Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
