I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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