Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
