I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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