At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
