and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
