I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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