For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
