she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
