drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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