I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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