Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
