First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
