btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
