I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I need a burrito and a hug.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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