If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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