Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
