Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
