I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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