Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
