Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
