are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
