So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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