I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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