Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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