i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
