ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Randomize
