you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
