Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
