I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
