the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
