exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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