my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
