This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Randomize
