Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
