I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Someone shattered a urinal.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
