Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
