you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
