im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
