there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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