i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
