Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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