I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my sisters under your porch take her home
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
