just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
