It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
