the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
