something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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