I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
