Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
