im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
