I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
